We have been all there. You share a personal struggle, a moment of vulnerability, and everything is met with a dismissive, "Lighten up! I found it funny."
It stings. This flippant response, often phrased as, "You found it offensive? I found it funny. That's why I'm happier than you" might seem harmless, but it reflects a lack of empathy -- the cornerstone of strong relationships and genuine happiness.
The bad thing is -- if it came from your own family member -- my dear son -- 'my sun, my moon, my stars and everything in between'. Maybe he was just trying to convert the sad mood to happy mood; on the contrary, it made me sadder. I thought he knew me. Comforting myself, yes, I knew him -- he used to crack jokes, make us smile, laugh; for some time he even played as a stand-up comedian.
I have been in down mood for some time. Deep sorrow has seemed to wrap and squeeze me tightly for some weeks. Things have been overwhelming that I have felt I have had no energy to think and do my things at my best level. It is not my old self. Or is because I am aging? Or drowned in sorrow?
As Maya Angelou eloquently stated,
I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.
Sharing challenges is not about seeking pity. It is about seeking connection. When we open up, we crave understanding that will help stop undesirable things to reduce myself -- not a one-upmanship in humor.
My fault? I am guilty -- perhaps. I have been away from my family for almost two (2) decades. I wish I could bring back the hands of time so I could passionately mentor my children in-person about the value of compassion and empathy, repeatedly, day in, day out. Did my elders fail in their teaching face-to-face, or did I, remotely, or all?
Sometimes, it is easy to say that you regret doing or not doing a thing in the past. But if you have no choice, you will not regret doing something that will make you sad in the future. If your choices were between death and life, you could not choose death or the end of it all. You would choose life. Because even if you get sad along the way, there is hope to be happy -- as long as you are alive.
Here's the truth: Happiness is not a competition. It's not about being happy or happier or happiest, nor finding the "funny" in someone else's pain. True happiness comes from fostering genuine connections, where we can both laugh and cry with each other. It is about practicing what I passionately maintain -- empathy.
If he vented out something in me and I would react the same -- "You found it offensive? I found it funny. That's why I'm happier than you" -- what would he feel? I know he felt it, too. Empathy would wrap me.
Empathy allows us to see the world through another's eyes, to understand his experiences and feelings, even if they differ from our own. It does not require condoning his actions or sharing his emotions, but simply acknowledging their validity.
The next time someone shares a vulnerability, resist the urge to dismiss it as a joke. Instead, listen actively, offer support, and maybe, just maybe, you'll discover a deeper connection that brings you both a greater sense of happiness.
Laughter is a powerful tool, but so is empathy. Let's use them both to build a more understanding and joyful world.
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If you were a mother of a child who told you "You found it offensive? I found it funny. That's why I'm happier than you" after sharing your story of vulnerability, consider these:
It can be hurtful when you share such a narrative to your son and he dismisses it. Here's how you can respond to him and how to help him develop compassion --
Acknowledge his feelings: "I see you found it funny. Humor can be a great coping mechanism." This validates his perspective without completely agreeing.
Explain yours: "But for me, it was actually a challenging experience. It can be tough to open up about things that are bothering us." This helps him understand that humor might not be the best response for everyone.
Open a conversation: "Can you tell me why you found it funny? Maybe I can see it from your perspective." This encourages him to see the situation from another angle and fosters communication.
Share about empathy: "It's important to try to understand how others might feel, even if we don't share the same experience. That's called empathy." This introduces the concept in a relatable way.
Use examples: "Imagine if your friend was feeling down, would you want to make him laugh or understand why he's sad?" This provides a practical example of empathy in action.
Focus on growth: "Let's work on being more understanding of each other's feelings." This sets a positive goal for future interactions.
Develop compassion together: Read stories or watch movies about characters facing challenges. Discuss how the characters might be feeling and how others responded to them. Volunteering in your community can also expose him to different experiences and build empathy.
By having open conversations and practicing empathy together, he can develop a deeper understanding of others' feelings.
As for me, I gave my son life, and the first time I saw him, he gave me reason and direction to live, and fight for my life, no matter what.
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Image credits: Pixabay | geralt
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