When there are life storms bringing you pains so overwhelming that you just want to vanish for some time, the line "EVERYTHING WILL BE OK" even if it is just a post, means really a lot.
In this pandemic-hammered period, the average normal life span of 65 years old is no longer true. Many lives even of those in younger generations were claimed by COVID-19.
Sometimes anxiety attacks and depression hit me hard. But I have such a big faith in our merciful God that no matter what happens, He is true to His promise.
Every single day of being alive is a big miracle for me, knowing my situation. I want to believe that I still have a mission to accomplish. I have support of some family members and close friends that keep me going.
My 54-year old husband and 10-day old granddaughter died last year when COVID-19 was at its peak. I could not fly home. The loss of loved ones can be very devastating. Time heals. For how long, I do not know.
In the last quarter of 2020, I was supposed to do something that would transform my life, but I suffered from acute calf strain again -- after a decade. I could not move my feet and was on bed for some months. I was blessed to have close friends and flatmates who extended their kindness to me. God provided me with some financial resources so I could get by. I continued to research online what must be done without going to the hospital, and kept telling myself, "Everything will be OK". To be back on your feet again after a long time, is like winning in a lottery. Praise the Great Healer!
Fast forward nine (9) months -- many things happened in between -- here I am. I need to tell myself repeatedly, "Everything will be OK".
My 80-year old mother who has been bedridden for more than two (2) years and I haven't seen for a very long time, is sick. Laboratory tests show that her hemoglobin is very low. There are some protocols before hospital admission.
How many nights have I been sleepless, up until morning time? Countless.
We are only two (2) siblings. My younger brother is also away, more than 3,200 miles away from our place. He's far but near as he monitors closely what happens and extends moral and financial support needed.
My three (3) children are there, and my mother is thankful for their being loving grandchildren, proud that she was a part of their growing up. "Turo ko iyan," ("I taught him / her that") was her usual comment when my children do good things.
The youngest being grandma's girl immediately flew from a Middle Eastern country (in the green list) to attend to her but the required quarantine plus travel time to our province took eight (8) days away from the supposedly granddaughter's caregiving period. Her devoted focused attention coupled with compassionate, loving and smart handling of things, being a registered medical technologist and medical researcher, improved her condition and mindset.
My other children (a nursing graduate and a registered nurse) have dependents and are working hard to beat the pandemic economic challenges but they also create time to look after my mother who helped me greatly to raise them, and was their 'mother' for many years. My daughter-in-law who is a nursing undergraduate, cooks foods.
With the combined efforts and time of our small family members, and with the prayers of those who care for us, my mother's enthusiasm to live is regained and she shows appetite in foods (especially Chowking siomai and noodles).
Ours is a small tribe so you can imagine how tough it is. I repeatedly told them to take extra care of themselves, and to take care of each other.
Knowing that we are still alive, and God has some provisions with which we navigated the challenging road one day at a time together despite distance and time gap, continuously keeps my heart massively grateful and highly hopeful.
Many hours, days, weeks, months and years seem lost, but I compose myself bravely and without complaint, without blaming anyone, not even myself. For some decades, I have fought many life's battles and am still here, no matter how weak or useless I feel sometimes. Am grabbing my emotional shield for another stand and push forward. I may not be a hero (heroine) in their eyes at the moment -- as they saw me in the past -- but what matters most is to remain standing, fighting and winning for life.
When we watch movies, there are some scenes when a mature, compassionate person always comforts another in pain or whatever undesirable situation he / she is in, with the line, "It is OK", even if it is not, or "Everything will be OK". The first is to calm the mind, and the second is to bring hope.
I passionately muster my courage. I declare "Everything will be OK". I claim it.
Image Credits: Pixabay
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