When Your Mother is Strong

My resilient youngest daughter tagged me and my mother in her posted article that made me cry. It is about how you become a strong girl when you have a strong mother.

With some unexpected turns of events, I thought she did not think me that way because I am not supposed to be where I am, and I am not who I was born to be, by now. But emotionally I am who she thinks I am, by now.

There comes a point in time of a warrior mother when she gets tired of fighting alone most of her life. Many people misunderstand her for her need for quiet time reconnecting with her soul and source, to get her energy recharged. She can see other things which ordinary eyes cannot see, and can feel deeper emotions particularly compassion, which others cannot do.

Hire a woman, hire a mother -- and you can see how she takes care of her job like her household affairs, and her team, like her own family.

My love for my children has been my life propeller. Some storms hit me in the past, and I was strongest when they were young, and I felt most needed by them. Their high hopes for me were my wings.

Every single day, I imagined their faces, to be the strongest me and I assigned Moon every single night, to send them my message,

Who will love you the way I do when I am gone? I must be the strongest me now more than ever. I love you to the moon and back, and I miss you terribly.

With this, I pray to God and Mama Mary for my children to feel that great love I have for them.

Some children do not believe that a mother's love is unconditional. Most of them are men because they do not experience how it is to be a mother or men and women who did not experience being loved by their mothers.

There is a story in ancient times about a court hearing when two (2) women claimed that they were the mother of an infant. The judge has this to say to decide who was the mother -- "I could not divide the baby to be given to both of you, so he will be put to death and only the life of the mother can save him."

Then there is this woman who says, "Put me to death, your honor, save the life of my baby, and give him to her."

The judge decides, "You are the true mother, willing to sacrifice your life for your child. Give the baby to her."

There are many sacrifices a mother can make for her beloved children. Ungrateful ones say that they are entitled to those sacrifices and it is their rights to receive those. Other mothers abandoned their children totally, while the ruthless ones, aborted them. We saw the first light in this world because our mothers decided so.

Last night, I had my brunch (fried rice and fried chicken) in a restaurant at the ground floor of our building. The waitress was smiling but I could feel her crying inside. I always asked her how she was because she was not fairly treated by other staff.  She said that she rushed outside at her break time and did not eat just to watch with full excitement her daughter on her ninth birthday's party, live streaming via a social media platform. She wanted to fly to the Philippines at least for ten (10) days to be reunited with her dear child but her manager said she had not yet completed her first year on board, so she is not yet entitled to one-month annual leave. In her daughter's speech, she thanked all, her father and his mistress, all except her. Her knees fell on the ground, she felt numb and terribly weak, and she had her worst cry.

Teary-eyed, she told me, "I left her and her two siblings so I could give them a bright future. My husband found another love and got three (3) children with the new partner. I sent my hard-earned money to them. Imagine standing here for many hours, serving people, carrying heavy plates and all, cleaning the floor, dealing with those staff with attitude problems...? They do not know my sacrifices." 

I could feel her and my eyes got misty. "Stay strong. Expect many more bad stories like that when you are an absentee mother so you will get emotionally prepared. She is a child and more often than not, there will be brainwashing. She reads and hears this and that stories, from families, friends, social media. Just do what you are supposed to do why you came here. In God's time, you reunite with them, and they will understand you. Win them back."

Win them back. It echoes. It reminds me of many contents at the back of books -- how an ordinary woman becomes a heroine for winning back the love of a partner or of children, just because outside stimuli changed how their brains neurons behaved and put her to oblivion.

I can perfectly relate to this story. How can I not when I myself experienced it for the mpth time? And every time I experienced it, the stronger and more resilient I get, and rise, and rise, and rise, for my children, and for my mother.

I do not care at all how the world will think of me as I have reached this age that I do not care at all for others' opinions of me. Their labels of me do not define me. Period. Nobody can fully understand me because they are not in my vessel -- my body. I am my spirit having a unique, individual journey on this earth, through my vessel, my body. Unless they are here, and unless they are governed by my brains, they cannot understand my past (my memories), my present (my treasure for every second you breathe air is a gift), and my future (my dreams) perfectly. This is how you get strong. You get weak if you react to others as they have power in you when you do so. It is simply a waste of energy.

One very fine day, the universe with its shining stars will align with me, and my whisperer and messenger, my Moon, will be delighted of it.

This is how to be strong when you are a mother -- to be full of hopes, because your family members particularly the blood of your blood and flesh of your flesh, your children, wait for you and long for you, no matter how old they get. I know, I am a grandmother now, but I also long for my mother's warm embrace.

I witnessed my mother's struggles to raise us up as my father was sick for many years until his death. She was sickly, too, but she managed it all with her strong spirit and great love for us. She did not work abroad even if other dressmakers could find better opportunities elsewhere, because she always had big fears going alone even on short trips as she was sickly.  Except for that, she has been one of heaven strongest women on earth who refuse to get defeated by life. Her bible was on her chest or under her pillow when she sleeps. That faith and big love for life keep her going all these days. That same faith I embraced, and I request God to wrap her with His love, now that her two (2) children are very far away from her. She sometimes dwells in good memories. I made her happy and proud in some of those.

When my children were young, I taught them how to be independent-minded, because not at all times their elders would be there to protect and defend them. I told them how to hear two (2) sides of the story, always, because hearsays are hearsays -- they are rumors, received from other people which cannot be substantiated, and you have no idea if it is true except when it is from a verified source or directly from the source. Hearsays can make you weak if you believe in them. My mother always comforted me when my detractors put me down with hearsays, "Let their tongues intertwine and be silent." (That is why I hate gossips.)

I was trained in investigative journalism so I look not only on the tip of the iceberg but deep beneath it. Once I was a member of our company's Committee on Discipline and was a victim of the system injustice, so I had high regard on due process.  I loved to read Nancy Drew stories in my childhood, which had impacted my life. So I told them to think deeper, investigate further before making a decision or conclusion, find the invisible dots and connect them with the visible ones, and never, never prejudge a person.

You cannot experience this in your comfort zone, inside a beautiful house, dressed with expensive, branded clothes, spoonfed with all you need. That is why even princes were sent to military schools and war zones so they experience the real battles.

You can feel if a person is in the same tribe of wounded warriors meaningfully living for a purpose. It is difficult to blend with those who do not as your spirit will repel them. A strong force will protect you from them and no matter how many they are, or how cruel they can be, time will come that God will show His favor and will prove, once again, that good prevails over bad, that truth will prevail over all lies and deception.

When I feel weak as the spirits of the dark seem overwhelming, I think of this always, Kahlil Gibran's --

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

If you inspect me, I am full of various shapes of scars. I suffered a lot, countless times, alone. But I am one of those with strongest souls. I encountered some very rude people who pulled others with lies and deception so they could defeat me in number. I was alone, and I did not care -- never at all -- for being alone, so long as truth -- and nothing but the truth -- was my cloak, and God my protector. Who can defeat God? In the fullness of His time, my strength will find its way to justice.

Your mother can be with you all days of your life or most days of your life. You see her struggles and sacrifices. You feel her love when you are sick and troubled. She can not choose to go away or go to distant places for a change because she can not, never, for some reasons. From her experiences, you learn first-hand her strength, and you love her more.

Your mother can be without you most days of your life, because she chose to earn money elsewhere to pay your household bills and help you all get through, for a reason that she thought was the right and better thing to do at that time, given the informed choices of what to do next. Maybe you were not there, or too young to understand things, when and why she had decided to do so. Sometimes a woman has to decide to save her life for all while providing their needs remotely. You cannot directly see her struggles and sacrifices. You cannot feel her touch when you are sick and troubled, but you can feel her love if and only if you open your mind and heart. In her and your isolation, you learn to be strong, for each other, when you are separated by circumstances against your will.

Your key to be at peace with this situation is acceptance -- acceptance that your life and your friends' lives who are with their mothers -- are never and can never be the same, in the same way that the orphans think that their lives cannot and will never, never be the same with you who still have hopes to be reunited with your mother who is far from you, if that is the case.

Never, ever think that all women seen with a man are flirt and hungry for physical intimate relationship. It can be for plain friendship/companionship and/or for business. Or if they are, when the relationship with your father is over, she needs to move on with someone who is the right match for her to deal with horrible emotional weakness. Women have different thinking and physical needs. Not all women need s*x to feel complete -- I can say that from my experience.

I always tell my children to love, respect and empower each other, despite weaknesses, shortcomings and individual differences. I always emphasize the high value of unity.  J.K. Rowling's message is very important to every family, the fundamental unit of society.

We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided.

I got only one brother, and my husband, one sister. In short, we are small families. We've got three (3) children, my brother got three (3), and his sister, the same three (3). All three (3). Anyway, I love the number three (3); Albert Einstein's favorite number, too.

With that number, while others in the clan keep multiplying and growing, how can we go strong? Only by love, the strongest love possible. Love and be loved.

Remember this inspiring line from Lao Tzu --

By being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

I am strong because I feel loved. My son always tells me, "I love you, mom," I thank him for the regular vitamins. My youngest daughter tells me she loves me and shows it in other ways. I feel invigorated. My mother always tells me, "Mahal ka ng ina" (you are loved by your mother). Other people not in any way related to me but truly care for me in its real sense, make me feel loved. I get strong and paying forward I always advise others who feel weak to 'stay strong' (Tai Lopez's favorite closing line).

I love my children deeply -- no if, no but -- with a mother's unconditional love. I feel courageous and victorious because love conquers all.

When your mother is strong, passionately make her feel loved. She is strong and courageous because of her immeasurable love for you, whether it is low tide or high tide for you. When you feel down or in trouble, she can be your trusted rock and will be the first to figure out things on how you can get out of that situation. She will never go in front of or at your back. She will either be beside you holding your hand, or she will carry you. She will never humiliate you nor feel embarrassed with you even at your worst.

No mother is perfect. She is a human being subject to human flaws and frailties, but do not subject her to pointless hatred and emotional abuse for one-sided views on life. Do not hurt her just because you think she is strong enough to absorb all pains or you just want to test her resilience, because many millennials do (contagion effect?).

When your mother is strong, you are strong, too. Time will come you will thank her for your strength. Remember Lao Tzu's "By being deeply loved by someone gives you strength xxx"? Who can deeply love you?

---

Photo credits:  Pixabay