Care for Old People

Two nights ago, I saw an Asian man walking ahead of an old woman (must be his mother) who looked like having difficulty to step farther. She was wearing a sari. Later he waited for her. I could fully understand what she felt although she appeared to be two-decade older than me.

When I was young, I loved to talk to old people. I learned a lot from them. I loved to listen to their stories and to see their eyes glowing while dwelling temporarily in their happy good old days. As Curtis Mayfield said,

I used to love to sit and listen to the old people talk about yesterday. There's a lot of good information there.

I had a former teacher whose husband died three (3) decades ago, then she found another love, but later he left her. She told me that she was afraid to be alone in her grey hair days. She had a daughter and sons, but she always wanted to talk to me because I listened to her, and I understood her.

Pearl S. Buck has a very good line related to this. "Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or to be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members."

Those old people were once young, energetic, and were useful to their families and communities. But when their children grow old and have their own wings, most of them forget their sacrifices. There are even those who disown them and those who are embarrassed to be seen with them due to how old age and/or lack of resources changed their looks.

I highly admire and respect those who walk their old parents no matter how long it takes to step forward. When they were young, their loving parents were there to help them stand up and walk. True, it is their moral obligation to raise their children properly and keep them safe, but how many parents abandoned their offsprings and how many mothers terminated their pregnancies?

Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world, was grateful for 'literally everything' to his mother. (Read related story here.) He tweeted,

I won the lottery with my mom. Thanks for literally everything, mom."

Do you know how your parents, particularly your mother, loved and cared for you since the time you were conceived up to this moment? What can you remember? I can only remember things since I was five (5) years old, and sadly not all.

Blessed are those people who need not go far away from their loved ones to earn a living. When the parents grow old, the children and grandchildren are there to look after them. It is an advantage to have a big family. My auntie who died two (2) years ago, had six (6) children. When she suffered from kidney failure,  all of them helped her, physically and remotely. Her 4th child, male, was by her side always.  The others created time to be with her despite their busy schedule. The youngest child (son) who was working overseas was the one providing the financial support required for dialysis (3x a week) for ten (10) years. Her second child, female, my cousin and batchmate, attended to her meals and ran her errands despite her own medical issues (breast cancer), and one year after her mother's death, she joined the Creator. My cousin's first child was as an overseas nurse, taking care of patients, some were grandmothers of other granddaughters, and mothers of other daughters. This is the bitter reality that when mothers who sent their children to nursing schools get sick, the priority will be other sick patients, not own mothers, as per their commitment to their employers.

There are ungrateful children who tell their parents, "You provided for my needs only until I graduate. After that, I was on my own."  How harsh. Parents sacrifice a lot for their children's bright future out of pure love so they must be respected and appreciated for that.  In other countries like the United States of America, there are many students who get heavily indebted due to student loans.

I finished college by scholarship but despite that, I was very grateful to my parents for everything that they did to raise me up. I did not tell them that I finished my studies by scholarship, that they did not have participation at all. I always made them feel that they are always remembered, appreciated and never forgotten. I did not want them to feel that I did not love and did not need them, even for a single second.

The younger people do not have any idea how the old people deal with the fears of being alone and finally, dying; the challenges in aging, and; the need to feel useful, still. The transition to such a stage can be painful sometimes, if not most of the time. It is more painful when in their November-December months they have families to provide and their pension funds are not enough. The most painful thing is when they do not have pension/retirement funds, and still there are some dependents they need to survive.

According to Philippine Senator Francis N. Tolentino, the Filipino culture teaches the younger ones to give the highest regard and respect to the elders. But as the number of Filipinos who want ti fly to other countries to find greener pasture increases, more and more children are left to relatives and/or nannies. The parents who are supposed to teach them the basic values are thousands of miles away from them, or if their jobs are home country-based, they are also not at home most of the time for both ends to meet. The influence of social media showing disrespect to elders makes it worse.

Is there any old person near you? Find time to talk to him/her. You may have gained a lot of information online or from your books, but definitely, you can learn much from his/her wisdom. Show interest by listening and asking, and appreciating that. Your enthusiasm in life can be contagious. Ezra Taft Benson's line is impactful --

Young people, you need the wisdom of age, just as some of us, older ones, need your enthusiasm for life.

Many old people feel out of place with the younger ones who find them boring or 'out of this world'.  Young people must reverse that thinking, understand them, embrace them, get them involved in some activities if they can fit for those, and learn from them.

Vivik Wadhwa said, "What the tech industry often forgets is that with age comes wisdom. Older workers are usually better at following direction, mentoring and leading."

We need to care for old people by talking to them with full respect and doing things for them in gentle ways. They are not wallpapers sketched with wrinkles and hair-painted with white color. They have lives and they want to live meaningfully. They are visible. They have senses. They have emotions. They have wisdom and experiences brought by age.

I will passionately mentor young ones to care for old people, in whatever way I can. I care a lot for them. I really do.

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Photo credits:  Pixabay