The above Victorian painting which shows a mother busy hanging clothes while the daughter plays on the ground reminds me of the same scenario in the '90s. I have three (3) children, boy-girl-girl, with the age gaps of 1 1/2 and one (1) year, respectively. When my youngest girl could not still walk by herself, I used to let her sit on a bilao (winnowing large round bamboo-woven flat tray utilized for removing rice chaff) then gave her some moringa leaves so she would be busy while I was hanging clothes. I wanted that she would be near me while her elder brother and sister were playing also close to me, to make sure that they would be safe.
From the moment that a mother knows that she carries her baby in her womb up to the time of raising him/her and beyond, she will do a lot of sacrifices to make her child happy and free from all kinds of harms, even bite of mosquitoes. If there is only a little food on the table, she would give it to her child and forget the hunger. Even her own life she could sacrifice for her dear child to live.
True, as Elle Smith ('The Way Back Home'), said,
All forces on this planet will never beat that of a mother's love.I had a heavy heart when I read an article about two (2) daughters hating their mother just because the latter requested one of them to make sushi for a relative who would be visiting them. The old woman was just proud to share the talents of her daughter, a graduate of Hotel and Restaurant Management course, but they were thinking that she would just be boasting of something beyond their means. The worst part was when the youngest daughter slapped her mother's face with a flip flop slipper.
If I were that daughter and I could find a way to grant my mother's request, I would do that. If not, I would respectfully say I could not do it, and maybe next time I could. I hate to see my mother's tears.
When I saw two viral videos (Part 1 & Part 2) via Raffy Tulfo's Youtube channel, I could not help crying when the mother requested the program host to find a solution to her problem as she wanted peace and harmony at her home. She apologized to her daughters even if they wronged her.
Normally it is the youngest child who is considered to be the family's beloved 'baby' even if he/she grows up. But those videos show how extremely arrogant and rude the youngest daughter is, the way she treats her mother as if she owns her, and as if she did not live in her womb near her heart for nine (9) months.
The youngest girl said that it was her elder sister who worked abroad to send her to school, financed their home renovation and provided her family needs. She emphasized that her mother must not forget that. The sisters made their own house rules that their mother should follow, defining the area access limit (at her very own home) and keeping herself away from her grandchild.
If those sisters would only realize that if they were on their own renting a house, they would spend money, too. If the elder sister helped the younger sister to go to school and the parents to get by, it was her own choice, nobody else's, if she responded to a calling to value support system in the family. But helping a family does not give anyone that right to be abusive and disrespectful to the elders, particularly the mother.
By my own choice, I also supported my only one (1) sibling, my beloved brother younger than me by five (5) years, to go to school, and I helped renovate the house of my mother standing on a lot she inherited from her parents (inherited by her mother from her grandparents), where we have used to stay for a long time. In my empowered time when I felt needed by all in terms of finances and moral support, I gave her all respect that she deserved. She was treated like the queen of our home. She may not be a perfect mother to me or grandmother to my children, but she just did her best particularly in our most trying times.
Nobody is faultless in this life. A mother's advice is the best but sometimes she can go wrong, too. For a heart that can truly love and understand someone, nobody can go wrong, and cannot be blamed because blame is a pointless game. A loving child's heart will understand the reason behind her mother's action or emotion. What is family for, without an understanding heart?
What we know today, our parents did not know yesterday but they got wiser than us by experience and age. If something wrong happened in their lives, they did what they thought was right in a specific place, at a specific time, with the givens available to them. We do not know the real stories behind what led one situation to another until our eyes got light and our brains processed related information we got about them. It is wise to validate the truth and accuracy of everything raw told to us. We learned from their stories, and they learned from their parents'. Our children will learn from ours. And our grandchildren will learn from our children's stories and so on.
No matter how bad, foolish, stupid or undesirable our parents and grandparents to our viewpoint, respect them, love them. They are the ones we got.
I always told my brother about my mother's sacrifices for us as my father was sick for a very long time. Being the eldest I was the one helping her most of the times for the family to get by every single day in my younger days. Now that my brother has a good life in the other side of the world, he supports her.
True, it is the parent's obligations to provide the children's needs, and yes, every child has a right to be raised up in a healthy environment. But sometimes bad things happen even to good people. They could have gone crazy and mad and could have done something very bad, but despite the odds they gave us life, they sacrificed their dreams, for us to survive at least.
I finished my college by scholarship which I earned by studying very, very hard. I went to a public high school and I had no tuition because of academic scholarship, too. In elementary, I went to a public school with free tuition. But I could not and will never, never, never tell my parents that I owe them nothing because they did not pay for my tuition fees. Those days they loved me. They cared for me. They supported me with what they could afford to give me to meet my needs, from the works of their hands and /or loaned from the money lenders sometimes loan sharks. They provided me the bridge I needed to pass through until I could have the wings to spread and fly. Most of all, my mother planted the seed of faith, that grows in me and keeps me going. Without this big faith, my lifeline, I do not know where I am today after experiencing fighting life's fights.
Every mother gets very strong when she has a child because she has to give her offspring her energy, her warmth, her wings, her power. Even if her child hurts her and breaks her heart, she is still there -- pitifully in pieces, crying a river, but still fully loving her lost child. A child can turn his/her back against the mother, forget her, dump her and humiliate her, but a mother will always hold him/her in her heart.
With the advent of new technology when materialism is highly valued, many children now measure their parents' love with what they have, what they can do or how can they be utilized, what they can give or lend out, and what they can pass on to them to inherit.
Children of female overseas workers get happy with the money transmittal and items sent from abroad, but they cannot feel their mothers' heartbreaks from thousand miles away. Those mothers cry their children's tears longing for their warmth, hugs, kisses, caring and love. Behind the teary eyes is the strength of character that should dominate all their weaknesses. Behind the smiles, the double-edged sword of pains of being away from the flesh of their flesh and blood of their blood. Behind the thundering silence is the presence of a giant vacuum, and the near-perfect cloning of a stranger who is just a picture, or maybe a video clip. Behind struggles and scarcity, a thread after thread of expectations not met, on being felt, on being seen.
An ungrateful child sees more of a mother's flaws (and/or absence), despite her razor-sharp memory of good motherhood, and blames her for all things that go wrong, even the simple and small ones -- like that old mother's simple request for her daughter to cook sushi in the above-mentioned story. Most daughters become mothers, too. By then they will realize what a mother's love is.
Respect your mother, no matter who or what she was, is and will be. She loved you before you saw the light on the earth. She loves you even if you screw up somewhere. She will love you for who you are and what you are.
I passionately miss my mother. To her I echo Luffina Lourduraj's lines --
"You loved me before seeing me;
You love me in all my mistakes;
You will love me for what I am."
I love you, Inay (Mother).
I honor all mothers with deep respect.
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Photo credits: Pixabay
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