How Can We Save Depressed People?

It is alarming that many lives were claimed by depression. Most people think that those who died of suicide were weak because it was their choice -- as if they still had full control of things.  But we cannot tell what really happened to people who committed suicide if few minutes or seconds before total withdrawal they still had that 'choose' choice or nothing at all except total darkness, all black hole.  "It seems wise to avoid judging the self-destructive actions of others," Larry Culliford says in 'Psychology Today'. 

"Depression is a complex combination of genetic, biological, environmental and psychosocial factors -- and is difficult to understand," according to Markus MacGill, in his article published on Medical News Today.

The same article says that depression is 'a loss of joy and interest in doing something'. There is a descriptor -- 'persistent' -- which means it is continuous for six (6) to eight (8) months or more.

Last Friday, 8 June 2018, it was reported that US celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain,  61, killed himself in a French hotel room. He was the host of CNN's food-and-travel-focused "Parts Unknown."

On 5 June 2018 celebrity fashion designer Kate Spade, 51, was found dead in an apparent suicide -- too.

Depression is a mental illness that has to be addressed to not only by the person suffering from it but by the family and all.

Many people are busy to have money and fame, but take a look at it -- those celebrities who committed suicide or near that stage were depressed. They already had the money and fame. So what is wrong?

Even Prince Harry himself said that he could be "very close to a complete breakdown on numerous occasions", one of 'quite serious effects' of losing his mother on his personal and professional life.

We owe it to ourselves, to our families and to Creator to value our existence, give it a meaning and to be interested in life itself, but sometimes horrible things happen. We cannot understand what is happening with us so the more the world cannot. Day by day, it seems most people get more and more uncaring and selfish.

Looking at it, I think what we most need is compassion so that nobody feels sad. Compassion is an important key to happiness. Happiness is what preserves our mental health. But we must redefine happiness that it is achievable by all, that it helps extend one's life, and it's not all about wealth and fame.

In 2009 when the worst recession hit us, the boss and owner of our company ran away. I was left with a life full of uncertainties. As if abandoned by the ship captain, I had to attend to the staff, to his office and two (2) flats. My eyes were dry -- even if I wanted to cry, no more tears fell because for many days and nights I cried a river. I was standing on the balcony, 7th floor, and a tiny voice was telling me to jump -- but no, never!

I held the sliding door tightly and got inside the room carefully. The force was very strong pushing me to jump and end it all -- but the faces of my children, mother and grandchildren kept flashing in my mind -- one by one. I knelt down, shaking, and prayed for God to cleanse me, and renew in me the Holy Spirit.  Nobody would understand me even if I would tell them what I felt that very moment. They thought I were and would be Wonder Woman, always, all the time.

Despite my own storms, when my sick cousin (paternal) called me for help I managed to take care of her. She was bleeding, suffering from myoma. She stayed with me in my flat. Having her around even if sick helped me to find another purpose in life, and in a way she helped brighten my days. We both then were longing for sisterly love. One night she pulled me to a cubicled videoke bar and we had fun singing and dining together. After few days she invited me to watch then top-rating actor-comedian's show with 22,000 tickets sold. That was my very first time to be a part of such a huge crowd.

I joined a religious community and there was a very kind preacher who kept on checking me even at an unholy hour of the night. It was good to know that somebody cared to ask you if you were OK.  He loved to sing "In His Time" so I had such a great affirmation that in His perfect time 'things would be beautiful'.

My faith has been very strong since I was a child as I witnessed how strong belief in God kept my mother going. I've always fought for life. But sometimes even strong people with a strong faith, feel weak. It is normal.

There are times when homesickness envelopes my whole being and I feel my bones begin to melt. I want to see and hug my mother.  I want to embrace, kiss and take care of my children and baby my grandchildren. I feel I need a loving husband to support, protect and take care of me but even if I am a big lover of possibility this is very remote by now.

If we suffer from depression,  self-love and compassion can help us avoid thinking about suicide. It is when we have huge self-pity, very low esteem, and all heavy negative thoughts about ourselves that we sink down to the seabed of death.

So what do we have to do?

1.  Be gentle with yourself and calmly accept things as they are, as they happen.
2.  Drink milk (Bear Brand sterilized milk) or hot chocolate, and eat cashew nuts.
3.  Walk or run; do exercise.
4.  Paint, write or do creative works.
5.  Join a community or social services volunteers group.
6.  Read inspirational articles.
7.  Watch motivational videos.
8.  View comedy movies or shows.
9.  Pamper yourself -- go out for a massage, hairstyling, manicure and pedicure.
10.  Enjoy nature -- beach or green parks.
11.  Do yoga or attend mindfulness classes.
12.  Talk to a counselor or seek medical help.

According to Kristin Neff, "There are three (3) elements in self-compassion -- self-kindness, common humanity and mindfulness.

If we are on the other side of the fence, it means a lot to show kindness and compassion to other people particularly those who are with us at home or in workplaces. We do not know what their inner battles are. They may appear silent or 'have a world of their own' but maybe they just want to avoid noises to escape from madness to maintain their sanity.

I remember the story of a priest few years back. There was a woman who was terminated by her employer. She skipped meals for some days and could not sleep, restless. Her landlady was rude and shouted at her in front of others, despite her humble approach requesting to extend her grace period to pay. The following day she committed suicide. The priest's message to all church goers that time: "Be compassionate with people around you."

That day, yes, another woman was added to the statistics of world suicides. There were some questions that popped up in my mind -- What if the landlady dealt with her collection issue in a different way? What if the employer did not terminate her? What if her husband was a good family provider? What if she joined a caring community with members willing to lend their helping hands to her? Were there are other creditors harassing or threatening her and if so, what if they were kind in handling her debts?  

It means a lot to be passionately magnanimous with depressed people.

Can I request you to take a pause for a while and check how are your family members and close friends? In what way can you show compassion to those in sorrow, losing interest in many things and want to be isolated for many months? How do you show them you care and they are loved?

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Photo credits:  Pixabay